Archive for March, 2004
Thus spake Ennui
March 31, 2004 at 5:36 pm
Thus spake Joanne
at 2:47 pm
Thus spake Joanne
at 12:41 pm
Thus spake Ennui
at 7:11 am
They hiked all the way to the top of the parking deck at 4 a.m., they waited in line for hours…
…but they could not score a free mustache ride.
“This is crap, man!”
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Thus spake Ennui
March 30, 2004 at 2:43 pm
Thus spake Joanne
at 2:40 pm
Thus spake Ennui
at 1:55 pm
Always consult us first. We have the leading panel of evil on our team, and we know where all the good stuff is!
Disclaimer: This is a joke. This is only a joke.
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Thus spake Ennui
at 1:53 pm
Thus spake Ennui
at 1:45 pm
It’s called squirrel fishing. Supplies can be purchased at your local WalMart (don’t tell me you don’t have one).
Disclaimer: This is actually a really bad idea and is in no way endorsed by either Mister Rogers or Bored Athenians.
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Thus spake Ennui
at 1:36 pm
We all know what the phrase “F*cking A” means, but what about “F*cking Q”? Well, fear not my friends, for we have consulted the master of the f*cking alphabet, Clint Atkinson. Those of you who don’t know Clint, he is one of Athens, Georgia’s proud life comedians - his life is an act of comedy. Of course, this lesson is so much better learned by the man himself, so we are looking into releasing the cd shortly. The following was transcribed directly from the source and are meant to be offensive. And no, we are not too sure ourselves.
The F*cking ABCs
by Clint
(insert the word f*cking before each phrase for the full effect)
asshole
bastard
cunt
dick
extra crispy ear licker
finger licking good fox f*cker
g-string goat sucker
hairy ball sucker
idiotic imigranit idiot Italian Icelanders
jackass jerk-offer
kinky kittens
lord of the rings f*cker
millenium midget
no-show f*cker
olivia newton-john butt f*ckers
perverted penises
Dr. Quinn queer f*ckers
rounded rodent dick f*ckers
Spanish surrender butt f*ckers (the f*cking muses were consulted for this one)
tickling titty f*ckers
uterus butt f*cking suckers
fish called wanda butt ass bastards with a white wedding
victorious velvet butt f*ckers, lickers and ass grabbers
x-chromosome x-rated exhausted semper flinger flights 1st class f*ckers (a dictionary was consulted for this one)
YMCA f*ckers
(ah, the glorious gates of Z) zen zebra zacherous jackoffer
Here’s a sneak peak at the F*cking 123s:
1 eyed f*cks
(2 has been erased from memory by the men in brown)
3 arméd suckdicker
(thanks, Fista!)
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Thus spake Evil Overload
at 11:26 am
These Google-ing tips come to us from the New York Times Circuits e-newsletter, forwarded courtesy of Jinny Potter:
* Google is a global White Pages and Yellow Pages. Search for “phonebook:home depot norwalk, ct,” Google instantly produces the address and phone number of the Norwalk Home Depot. This works with names (”phonebook:robert jones las vegas, NV”) as well as
businesses. Don’t put any space after “phonebook.”
* Google is a package tracker. Type a FedEx or UPS package number (just the digits); when you click Search, Google offers a link to its tracking information.
* Google is a calculator. Type in an equation (”32+2345*3-234=”). Click Search to see the answer.
* Google is a units-of-measurement converter. Type “teaspoons in a gallon,” for example, or “centimeters in a foot.” Click Search to see the answer.
* Google is a stock ticker. Type in AAPL or MSFT, for example, to see a link to the current Apple or Microsoft stock price, graphs, financial news and so on.
* Google is an atlas. Type in an area code, like 212, to see a Mapquest map of the area.
* Google is Wal-Mart’s computer. Type in a UPC bar code number, such as “036000250015,” to see the description of the product you’ve just “scanned in.” (Thanks to the Google Blog, http://google.blogspace.com, for this tip and the next couple.)
* Google is an aviation buff. Type in a flight number like “United 22″ for a link to a map of that flight’s progress in the air. Or type in the tail number you see on an airplane for the full registration form for that plane.
* Google is the Department of Motor Vehicles. Type in a VIN (vehicle identification number, which is etched onto a plate, usually on the door frame, of every car), like “JH4NA1157MT001832,” to find out the car’s year, make and model.
* For hours of rainy-day entertainment, visit: http://labs.google.com Here, you’ll find links to new, half-finished Google experiments.
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Thus spake Ennui
at 11:07 am
Thus spake Sheni
at 9:57 am
Thus spake Ennui
at 8:45 am
I’ve spent a lot of time at the Monastery of the Holy Spirit in Conyers. I go there to be silent, to reflect on life, and to listen for answers. Whenever I go, I slip a few dollars in the donation box, I spend a few more in the bookshop, and I stay for the evening prayers (vespers). It’s a rather humbling experience to see how these men live, and that’s just from the viewpoint outside of the cloister gates. My respect and admiration for their sacrificial lifestyle always grows warmer and deeper. I could not do what they do; I could not give up the things of this world that I love so that I may devote my life to prayer for those who can’t or won’t.
To get right down to the heart of the matter, I am weak. And I am grateful for these men who do pray for me, and who allow me the safe haven of their home to lay down my worries and fears. No matter what reason has brought me there, I inevitably leave feeling less important in the world, and more thankful for the life that I have.
Some of the monks have medical coverage as veterans, but the monastery has no group health care policy. Most treatment has to be paid as an out-of-pocket expense.
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Thus spake Ennui
at 8:38 am
March 27, 2004
Dear Listener,
I am delighted that NPR and I have agreed on all of the details of my new duties as a senior correspondent. My new role will allow me to continue serving NPR listeners and will include profiling interesting and noteworthy people from all walks of life.
I plan to be here at NPR for the long haul. I am leaving a post that I have loved and have given my heart to. I now look forward to the new challenges ahead of me and continuing to be a significant part of NPR and the amazing program lineup.
Morning Edition will continue to be my first source for news. I encourage all of its listeners to stay with the program. It will continue to bring them the most in-depth and thoughtful journalism in broadcasting. I hope you continue to listen and support your public radio station.
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Thus spake Joanne
at 8:06 am
Thus spake Joanne
March 29, 2004 at 10:02 am
Thus spake Evil Overload
at 10:02 am
No, seriously. This article presents each of the four Alien movies as representing a perspective on the search for meaning with respect to sexuality and gender roles in a landscape reshaped by feminism. Pretty interesting.
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Thus spake Evil Overload
at 7:58 am
Thus spake Sheni
March 28, 2004 at 4:09 pm
Thus spake Vith
March 26, 2004 at 12:24 pm
“Bars need smoke, and not for monetary reasons alone. The dim, smoky bar, with its old wood and water-scarred lacquer, is part of our national aesthetic. Think Dashiell Hammett, Mickey Spillane, Humphrey Bogart – guys sprinkling loose leaf from a pouch, rolling their own, their faces set ablaze in a millisecond of match-flare, chasing each drag with neat bourbon. Think Bird, Monk, Dizzy, and Lady Day—horns, keys and silky-sand words be-bopping through the haze. The dark, exhale-clouded, tavern is enigmatic, almost cave-like. Pretty much anything can and does happen, whether you like it or not. Listen carefully. That sound is an echo of the Orphic Mysteries.”
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Thus spake Vith
at 12:20 pm
Thus spake Sheni
at 12:16 pm
Thus spake Ennui
at 12:13 pm
Thus spake Sheni
at 12:07 pm
Thus spake Joanne
at 11:34 am
According to her followers, Santa Muerte is not above pleasures of the flesh, even though she has no flesh. She prefers feathered boas and sequined gowns to celestial blue robes illuminated by the sun. She likes chocolates and flaunts rows of rings on each finger. She chain-smokes, and drinks her whiskey straight.
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Thus spake Ennui
at 10:35 am
Thus spake Evil Overload
at 9:30 am
Thus spake Ennui
at 9:26 am
Now that looks like fun, but I know no rational human being would ever let me play with a toy like that.
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Thus spake Evil Overload
at 9:18 am
Go to this page, and you can send yourself emails to arrive at some specified point in the future. Or send emails to someone else in the future, for that matter.
I also like their copyright statement:
“© 2002-2003 futureme.org. if you steal anything, we will sick a pack of cute angry girl lawyers on you. for real.”
These guys obviously mean business. I’m going to send myself a sheaf of future emails reminding me to steal from them as often as possible. Link (via Boingboing)
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