Archive for April, 2006
Thus spake Evil Overload
April 28, 2006 at 5:58 am
Thus spake Joanne
April 27, 2006 at 1:31 pm
Thus spake Antropologo
at 11:43 am
Groundbreaking has begun on the Freedom Tower!
My only criticism of this project is that they are not making the building tall enough. We shouldn’t let Malaysia or Tawain have the tallest buildings in the world. That honor clearly belongs to the U.S. and to N.Y.C. which is, by all rights, the true capital of the world.
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Thus spake Ennui
at 5:39 am
Thus spake Sheni
April 26, 2006 at 12:19 pm
Scrappy sent Chip this little piece about how David Copperfield recently didn’t get robbed. In case you didn’t guess, here’s the gist:
Daly and Volmut gave the robbers a purse containing 200 euros, $100, a passport, plane tickets and a cell phone, plus $400 in pocket money, according to a police report. But Copperfield, his statement says, turned his pockets inside out to show that they were empty – a sleight of hand by the master illusionist, who later showed police that his pockets were filled with cell phones, a wallet and a passport.
“Call it reverse pickpocketing,” Copperfield later told the Palm Beach Post.
Of course. I’m sure he didn’t just make that part up. But it did get us talking about the magic and wonder that is David Copperfield. In particular, the time when he made the Statue of Liberty disappear. I mean, I was a little kid and all, but that seemed pretty real. There were aerial shots and everything. As it turns out, I’m an idiot (shut up, Ennui. Not clever). Here’s how he did it:
Copperfield had a setup of two towers on a stage, supporting an arch to hold the huge curtain that would be used to conceal the statue. The TV cameras and the live audience only saw the monument through the arch. When the curtains closed, David waxed poetic while the stage was … slowly … and imperceptibly … turned. When the curtains opened, the statue was hidden behind one of the towers, and the audience was looking out to sea. Voila! The Statue of Liberty has disappeared!
Even if the stage hadn’t completely hidden the statue, the towers were so brightly lit that the audience would be nightblinded. Copperfield had also set up two rings of lights–one around Liberty, and another set up somewhere else. When the trick “happened,” his assistants simply turned off the lights around the statue and turned on the other set for the helicopters to circle around.
It was a big damn Lazy Susan. He used the same advanced technology that my grandmother uses on her dining room table.
LINK
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Thus spake Ennui
at 9:00 am
Thus spake Joanne
at 6:27 am
OK, so Mr. Moto bought this for his PSP and it’s the most insane game. It’s got crazy Japanese characters and wacky music. You also get to roll up the world. If your Katamari gets big enough, you can roll up skyscrapers. I’m enchanted and obsessed.
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Thus spake Ennui
April 25, 2006 at 11:04 am
We are selling this gorgeous item through our Google ads, but they are “Pre-Sold Out” (for only $12.99!) so I thought I’d give you a look at what you’re missing.
I am sorry.
And the lesson here, children, is that Easter never has to end. That’s right. Jesus is still with us, whether you know it or not. He’s always there, lurking in the shadows, keeping his eyes on you, just waiting until you fuck up. Who do you think is telling Santa about that thing you always do?
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Thus spake Joanne
April 24, 2006 at 6:40 am
Did anybody read the initial news stories about the firing of a CIA agent for leaking? Did anyone notice that the CIA would not identify the leakers, and yet conveniently there were unidentified government officials on hand to leak her identity?
The C.I.A. would not identify the leaker, but several government officials said it was Mary O. McCarthy…
WTF?? Nobody in the executive branch seems capable of keeping secrets. Seems like everybody in the executive branch should get the axe…
I’m really tired of my news coming from “unidentified” people. You got something to say? Say it with your name attached.
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Thus spake Sheni
April 21, 2006 at 10:29 am
I’ve read quite a great deal about so called, “Free Speech Zones,” over the past couple of years and it’s never failed to piss me off. However, it’s always seemed like something that happens “out there.” Well, now apparently, “out there,” is now right here:
Free Speech Zones
On Apr. 7, I attended the ribbon-cutting ceremony for the opening of a new building on the University of Georgia campus. George H. W. Bush was the keynote speaker. As usual, I wore my vest covered with anti-Bush buttons and carried a sign denouncing the actions of our current administration (George W.) in Washington. I have worn this vest and carried a protest sign almost daily for the past four years. As a citizen of the United States of America, I consider this a right guaranteed to me by our Constitution. Freedom of speech is not something I take lightly.
Soon after arriving at this event, I was approached by a UGA police officer who asked me to leave. He informed me that signs were not permitted at this event and if I wanted to carry a sign, I would have to go to a FREE SPEECH ZONE. Free speech zone, I asked? I thought the whole country was a free speech zone. I tried to explain that all I was doing was exercising my rights and that I had no intention of disrupting the event. I said I would keep my sign down and not bother anyone. He agreed that I could do this, but only in a free speech zone. I asked him if it didn’t seem a little absurd that in a free country, I was being asked to leave an event paid for with public funds and open to the public, because I had a sign? No answer. By now he had been joined by another uniformed officer and a man in a suit who informed me that if I was going to demonstrate, I better know the laws about demonstrating. Demonstrating? Laws? I was just standing there quietly holding a sign. I asked them politely, “Where is this free speech zone?” They pointed to a place about a block and a half away from the event and asked me if they needed to walk me over there. I tried one last time to explain, but they insisted that I leave. They informed me that I was free to come back, but only if I didn’t have a sign. Now that’s real freedom!
I know to some of you this sounds like a little thing, but it’s not. This episode, though only a slight denial of basic rights, seems to be the trend in our country today. Spying on citizens, illegal wiretapping, torture, no due process for those arrested, misinformation, leaking classified documents and lying all might seem like little things by themselves, but added together, they reveal a bigger problem. Freedom is under attack. It is only to be practiced in FREE SPEECH ZONES on the other side of the barbed-wire fence (or in this case a block and half away).
We should not allow the “chipping away” of our constitutional rights. We must all speak up and demand that freedom, the foundation of our country, not be relegated to free speech zones. If one by one we allow our basic freedoms to be taken from us for any reason, we will end up with no freedoms at all. You might say this can’t happen here, but it has already started. Just ask me. You can find me over in the FREE SPEECH ZONE.
Drago Tesanovich
Colbert
I’m not positive, but, judging by his self-description, I’m assuming that he’s the guy always hanging out downtown, handing out the anti-Bush buttons that cover his vest. Maybe not, but I can’t imagine there are too many of those guys around town. I can’t believe that this is what our country has come to. A Free Speech Zone? Does anyone know which law this is based on? Is there perhaps a good reason for this that I’m unaware of? Or is this the grossly un-American violation of free speech that it seems to be?
Flagpole LINK
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Thus spake Joanne
at 5:59 am
Thus spake Ennui
April 20, 2006 at 5:39 am
Once again, overheard in athens takes the cake:
they should have been more grateful
Guy 1: Man that was the saddest day.
Girl: What day was that?
Guy 1: The day Jerry Garcia died.
Guy 2: Tell me about it. All of those people coming to the simultaneous realization that they were homeless.
@HC
overheard by: Spot the Dog
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Thus spake Joanne
April 19, 2006 at 12:55 pm
Sometimes on a day with a clear view, I take the Roosevelt Island Tram. It’s usually a nice uneventful ride with great views of the Eastside of Manhattan for the cost of a subway ride. Yesterday, tramriders were stuck for 12 hours when the power failed…
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Thus spake Ennui
at 5:56 am
“If you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit bankrupt.” ~William Shakespeare (The Two Gentlemen of Verona)
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Thus spake Ennui
April 16, 2006 at 10:21 am
Easter means different things to different people. For the kids, it means Easter baskets filled with junk and plastic grass. For the average Christian adult, it means a day with the in-laws. One year, for my dear parents, it meant chasing the rabbit that laid many pellets around our house. We didn’t get to keep that rabbit for very long. Talk about a moveable feast. But I’m kidding - we didn’t eat that rabbit.
This year, for me, Easter has meant sleeping late and watching more than one Clive Owen film (3 to be exact). It has proven to be a very good way to get resurrected.
Before I get too sentimental, I would just like to say that I once waited 14 days for a hampster to resurrect. That was when I learned that Jesus was special. I think Manuel put it best when he said,
I espect God had second thoughts and said to himself, “These human beings, they are despicable pieces of shit. They don’t deserve to have my son take away their sins through his death. Besides, I am missing Jesus. He was so much fun at the parties and bar mitzvahs.” So he make Jesus get better again and come back to heaven.
If Jesus was my son, I wouldn’t want to be giving him up either.
Pax!
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Thus spake Ennui
April 14, 2006 at 8:48 am
 Yes, that’s right - today is the celebration of the day Jesus took a holiday. His holidays are a lot like mine. So think about Jesus today. Think about how Jesus couldn’t afford the airfare so he had to walk across the ocean just to get to Dollywood. Or worse, Alabama. Ecoli!
Just think about that!
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Thus spake Evil Overload
at 7:16 am
Thus spake Ennui
April 13, 2006 at 1:55 pm
I’m not patting myself on the back or anything, but I did send a very long and detailed email to the fine folks at Google in which I spouted off reason after reason why I hate Microsoft Outlook. I then asked them kindly to make a better calendar program for me to use.
Voilà !
One. Little. Victory.
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Thus spake Sheni
at 11:01 am
When it comes to the ATF and the UGA campus, ninjas don’t want none.
ATF agents are always on alert for anything suspicious — including ninjas.
Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearm agents, on campus Tuesday for Project Safe Neighborhoods training, detained a “suspicious individual” near the Georgia Center, University Police Chief Jimmy Williamson said.
Jeremiah Ransom, a sophomore from Macon, was leaving a Wesley Foundation pirate vs. ninja event when he was detained.
After being held in investigative detention, he was found to have violated no criminal laws and was not arrested.
A Pirate vs. Ninja party? My God, how did I miss that? I wonder if the ATF has special ninja take-down moves.
LINK
via Athens101
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Thus spake Joanne
April 12, 2006 at 5:57 pm
Of d Yunaited Esteits of America
An tu di republic for wich it estands
Uan naishion, ander Gad
Indivisibol
Wit liberti an yostis
For oll.
The immigration rally in New York City on Monday was huge. According to the papers, about 100,000 people marched right in front of my building and gathered along Broadway. It was the largest most peaceful group of people I’ve ever seen protesting here. It was a truly amazing sight.
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Thus spake Ennui
at 5:51 pm
Thus spake Joanne
at 5:48 pm
Thus spake Sheni
April 10, 2006 at 9:55 am
Supposedly one the greatest living American poets, Albert Goldbarth will be reading some of his work tonight, upstairs at Tasty World, at 7:00. Athens Poetry has this to say about him:
Critic Judith Kitchen has said that “Albert Goldbarth just may be the
American poet of his generation for the ages. Often humorous but always
serious, Goldbarth combines erudite research, pop-culture fanaticism, and
personal anecdote in ways that make his writings among the most
stylistically recognizable in the literary world.” The level of ambition in
Goldbarth’s work is revealed by a glance at a few of his book titles: *Arts
and Sciences*, *The Gods*, *Combinations of the Universe*, and *Great Topics
of the World*.
I’ve never read his stuff before, but it looks like it’s worth checking out.
LINK
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Thus spake Ennui
April 7, 2006 at 10:39 am
Thus spake Ennui
April 5, 2006 at 1:26 pm
Steve Jobs says: Use a Mac, Dammit! No more excuses now.
Apple makes Macs run Windows XP
The software walks users through the installation process
Apple has released software that lets users run Microsoft’s operating system on its computers that use Intel chips.
Called Boot Camp the program lets Mac owners run both Apple’s OSX and Microsoft’s Windows XP.
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Thus spake Ennui
at 12:20 pm
I’m not making this stuff up people.
LONDON (Reuters) - British anti-terrorism detectives escorted a man from a plane after a taxi driver had earlier become suspicious when he started singing along to a track by punk band The Clash, police said Wednesday.
Detectives halted the London-bound flight at Durham Tees Valley Airport in northern England and Harraj Mann, 24, was taken off.
The taxi driver had become worried on the way to the airport because Mann had been singing along to The Clash’s 1979 anthem “London Calling,” which features the lyrics “Now war is declared — and battle come down” while other lines warn of a “meltdown expected.”
Mann told British newspapers the taxi had been fitted with a music system which allowed him to plug in his MP3 player and he had been playing The Clash, Procol Harum, Led Zeppelin and the Beatles to the driver.
“He didn’t like Led Zeppelin or The Clash but I don’t think there was any need to tell the police,” Mann told the Daily Mirror.
A Durham police spokeswoman said Mann had been released after questioning — but had missed his flight.
“The report was made with the best of intentions and we wouldn’t want to discourage people from contacting us with genuine concerns,” she said.
Sure. Why not blow your cover before you get on the plane? I mean, you’re going to die anyway. Might as well make a game of it. It’s good we have such intuitive citizens in the world looking out for us all. Personally, I don’t see how you could listen to London Calling and not sing along. It’s Joe Strummer for heaven’s sake. And BAD Mick. Singing along is highly encouraged. Rock the fucking Casbah.
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Thus spake Sheni
April 4, 2006 at 7:49 pm
I’ve got three TV channels. I used to have a lot of them. All of them, actually. At least all of them that you can get in Athens. It was great. I could see reruns of Seinfeld, Friends, and Everybody Loves Raymond on any channel, at almost anytime of the day. Apparently, they don’t really make new shows anymore. I got rid of cable. It hurt at first, but it’s saving me a lot of money. Plus, I have extra space on top of the TV where that little box used to be. And I thought I had run out places to collect dust. I was great at first. I cleaned my house. I started washing my dishes more than once a week. I even read a whole book (almost). It was obviously going to change my life. But all of this is beside the point.
I plugged the cable into the TV. After a while, you can only listen to so much NPR and I was curious as to whether or not it would work without the box. So, I plugged it in, turned it on, and watched the black and gray static dance across the screen. Hmmm. Not exactly what I had hoped for. But there was something special about that static. Something about this static seemed a little more organized than normal static and inspired a sense of hope in me. So, I proceeded to click through every single channel to make sure that none of them came in. (As an interesting aside, it turns out that they program that function into TVs these days. Guess I should have read the manual.) When all was said and done, I had three channels. Well, six actually but three of them are Spanish channels and, aside from the wrestling and the soap operas (Goddamn those women are hot. Jesus.), there’s not much on those channels for me (except for the Kroger commercials. “Huevos, $1.99!”). So, I’ve got three channels:
Comedy Central (Thank God. I couldn’t live without the Daily Show.)
The Game Show Network (Did you know that they actually smoked and drank on the Match Game in the 70s? On the fucking show.)
And…
Bravo. Fucking Bravo.
Which brings me to my point.
The Real Housewives of Orange County is basically a reality show ripoff riding on the coattails of Desperate Housewives. It features the “real lives” of high money housewives, living behind the gates of one of Orange County’s wealthiest communities. Disgusting. Really. But after a while, when you’ve only got three channels, you’re going to end up watching it. I’m not proud of what I am. At first, it was just depressing. More fake tits than a strip club. One more vapid thing to show poor people what they haven’t got. One more ridiculous distraction to drive a wedge between the Mind of AmericaTM and RealityTM. In a time when our idiot president is digging us deeper and deeper into shit, all we need is one more thing to remind people that they’ve got to work a little harder if they’re ever gonna get the Hummer. But I digress. After watching two or three episodes, I’ve come to realize this: The Real Housewives of Orange County is Bravo’s gift to America. It reminds us of the fact that, no matter how poor we are, our lives will never be as ridiculous as this. So, while it’s utterly impossible to sympathize with even one single broken, empty, disgustingly rich person on this show, we can go to sleep knowing that at least we go to parties at which we can actually have fun.
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Thus spake Ennui
April 3, 2006 at 11:04 am
Sorry to say that the BA team have all been very busy doing actual real life kind of things and we can only give you quizzes and links to other, more entertaining blogs. At least we care that much. Please be patient. Someone will be here to take your call soon.
In the meantime, you should be reading Overheard in Athens, if for no other reason than to make sure you are not on it.
(After a story about a homeless man in Italy with one arm and no legs)
Guy 1: It must be a cruel irony to have one arm and need to be in a wheelchair. I mean, you’d just go around in circles.
Guy 2: Oh, and you made fun of me for joking about handicapped people.
Guy 1: You said they weren’t people…
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Contains 2 Easter eggs, one is purple. Don’t miss out!
